Does your version of Self Care actually work?
My Version of SELF CARE was causing me more HARM than Good
I have a problem with the term self care. The modern use of the term self care.
I know I have referred to it a lot in the past in my posts / blog posts but up until the last 12 months I’d not been doing self care right at all.
The way I used to think of it was something like this.
“Doing the little things, for yourself when you are faced with life’s stresses and strains, that make you feel a bit better.”
“Taking care of your basic needs so that you can continue functioning“.
What did my self care look like?
It looked a lot like me spending time pampering myself … buying things or eating or drinking things that I felt I deserved as a reward for the stresses I felt in my life.
It looked like me remembering to put on some make up and making an effort to look nice for myself so I didn’t have to see the reality of the tired, overweight, depressed person I felt like underneath.
It looked like, cutting back on commitments and social obligations to spend time alone with my thoughts and away from external stress.
The truth is I was doing all these things and I still wasn’t in a good place.
Because I DIDN’T DESERVE to be over feeding my body, drinking too much alcohol and leaving my body it in a state of wrack and ruin all because I was in a less than ideal mental state. The little TREATS I saw as rewards were actually causing me more harm than good.
Because I DIDN’T DESERVE to have to feel so ashamed of how I looked or felt that I needed to find ways of covering up for it, in the disguise of pampering.
Because I DIDN’T DESERVE to feel like having to isolate myself and back off from commitments or social obligations, I deserved to have a life that was full of things that I actually wanted to engage with.
What I did DESERVE was to engage in all the things that were going to help me SOLVE the real issues I was having and not to paper over the cracks with “self care”.
When I realised what I needed, the answers didnt sound much like the popular version of “self care”.
I needed to learn to get my arse out of bed earlier, stop over sleeping and hiding from the world.
I needed to get to a gym and to put my body through the discomfort of getting myself back in to a place of physical fitness.
I needed to address the tough situations in my life that were causing me to want to over-eat, over-drink, over-spend or hide from.
It felt more like a list of my biggest fears, and that’s because it was.
I have to say it was that re-defining of “Self Care” that brought about the biggest changes for me.
Self Care is actually about doing the RIGHT thing not the EASY thing.
It’s about being aware of your NEEDS and of what is going on for you and about WANTING to make changes, no matter what those changes might entail.
It is about being BRAVE, but with compassion, about where you are in this moment, and about creating a clear vision of where you need to get to health wise.
I call like to call it RADICAL SELF CARE as opposed to SOFT SELF CARE.
I’m not saying that self care can never mean doing the little things you need to keep yourself functioning well, but I want to challenge the notion that wrapping ourselves up in comfort is actually what we always need or deserve.
There is nothing noble about struggling or suffering because we don’t want to go through the necessary steps to change.
What will the cost of your new life be?
Your OLD ONE!
If what you are doing now isn’t getting you where you want to be then you need to DO SOMETHING ELSE! Why not giving Radical Self Care a try and see where it gets you this year!
Being trained in Life Coaching has given me many skills that have helped me learn HOW to overcome some of these common obstacles.
My Meology Course (which I run monthly) focuses on the key lessons that got me unstuck and gave me the confidence to start planning for a better future. I’ve gone from feeling tired, unfit, dissatisfied and depressed to feeling 10 years younger, more alive, full of energy, and excited for the future just by learning some very simple tools.
If you want any help with your journey DM me, my mission is now to help others get out of their own way and teach them to find their mojo again whether that be through 1-1 coaching or on my online courses, I’d love to help if I can.