How Many Of Us Spend Most Of Our Lives Studying to become lawyers, doctors, musicians, historians, accountants...
We pin our identities on the things do as a career or on the things we are passionate about. We can’t get enough of learning about those things but are we missing a vital area of study that would make perhaps the most sense to study.
How many people can say they have taken time to actually study themselves to actually try to understand who we REALLY are. Why we think in the way we do! What motivates us! What moves us! What our purpose is! What our values are!
I have a masters degree but the year I spent trying to figure out who I was was the best year of study I ever did.
Why bother doing the work?
Because it is very easy to spend your life busy working towards some goal you set when you were just finishing school. You set your mind on a target and study and strive to become a great x, y or z. But what happens when you get to your destination and it’s not what you hoped it would be? Or if you are suddenly no longer able to do the thing you dreamed of? Who are you then?
I believe we should all do the work to find out who we are independent from the identities/roles we take on in life.
If you ask most people to tell you who they are, they will say:
I’m a doctor / accountant / opera singer
I’m a mother / wife / daughter / son
I’m a Christian / Muslim
We identify as things which are transient. We may not always be in those jobs... then what.
We may not always be married. Relationships can break down.
We may not always have faith.
It’s in those times that we will most need to know who we are. What we are capable of. What will get us out of a depression. What will calm our minds in a storm of anxiety. It’s in the times when we have nothing that we will need to know that we are everything.
I had to do a lot of searching to find the answers I needed when I hit crisis point. I was the lowest I’d ever been. I was surrounded by people who loved me but I was alone because I had lost who I was. No masters degree was going to help me out then.
I’ve recently put together a 6 week Online Course which deals with the fundamentals of what makes us who we are.
DO YOU EVER FEEL STUCK?
Do you Feel like you don’t know what you want anymore?
It’s one of the biggest issues people have when they come to me for coaching advice.
So many of us are just getting by. We work in jobs that are ok. We do what we can money wise. We settle for less than ideal situations. We feel like we are just going round in circles.
That was how I felt 5 years ago when I suddenly came to a crisis point in my life. I knew things weren’t how I wanted them to be but I had no idea why. I was lucky. I had a house, a husband, a wonderful family, my “dream” job (or so I thought), a car and yet still I felt stuck.
I didn’t know whether what I was heading for was what I wanted after all.
I had an enormous amount of GUILT thrown in there. #FirstWorldProblems
I questioned my career. I’d gone through retraining at 31 to have my dream job in opera and I was proud of my achievement but now I was doubting my choice due to lifestyle choices.
I was questioning my marriage because I was depressed a lot of the time and we had become disconnected making it more like a living arrangement than a relationship/friendship. We had got stuck in the daily grind.
I was questioning all these things but felt there were no answers.
This crisis point sent me on a journey of self study. I realised I didn’t know the answers because I HAD LOST MYSELF.
I had been on autopilot for so long that I had lost touch.
The journey I went on led me to find some really life changing answers and I am going to share them with you.
You need to get back in touch with yourself and there are the key things you need to know about yourself, but hardly any of us take the time to find them out.
To find out my
5 TIPS FOR GETTING UNSTUCK my FREE PDF Guide via the link below
🚨 DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOUR OVERWHELM WARNING SIGNS ARE?🚨
This week I knew I had a busy weekend ahead of me. I am someone who juggles a lot of balls career wise. After a full week in the office I had an opera performance of Madame Butterfly on Saturday over in Lincolnshire. This meant I had to be very prepared for a full day on the road with a 3 hour trip there and a 3 hour trip back, with two full run throughs of the show in between.
On Friday my to do list was very long!
- Before work I needed to get some papers signed at a bank.
- A rush to work to get in on time.
- A morning of testing.
- Lunchtime was taken up with a trip to get some documents in the post with just enough time left to eat.
- Another full afternoon of testing work.
- A tough exercise class at the gym.
- Cooking our meal.
- Doing some coaching
- An hour of couch time with Andy
- Preparing all my make up, costume accessories and food preparation for Saturday
- Bed later than normal with an early start ahead of me.
I ploughed through all of the above and still felt good but alarm bells were ringing!
Having powered through, even though I felt ok I could see I was just a step away from OVERWHELM!
Have you ever had a situation where you suddenly felt overwhelmed and went in to crisis mode. Emotionally or physically (or both).
For me OVERWHELM can look like this:
🏎 Racing thoughts
🧠 Brain Fog & impaired decision making
😫 Panicked behaviour in seemingly normal non stressful situations
The key to avoiding OVERWHELM is to learn to recognise the warning signs so you can avoid tipping the balance.
So, for me, a very long to do list with all the items checked off is a sign that I am “Powering Through” and that the next stage in the cycle for me is sudden overwhelm!
Now you can learn to set the alarm bells of self care ringing before you tip the balance next time!
On this occasion I went to bed on Friday already aware that I was on the verge of overwhelm so I activated self care mode and made sure I rested as much as possible on my busy day traveling and singing. I made sure I ate the right foods and drank lots of water and made it through the day without any stress.
When you get up in the morning and head to the bathroom and see yourself in the mirror what do you think / say to yourself.
Lets face it, it's normally not the most pretty of sights. Ruffled hair, no products, no enhancements. But that person is the real you.
I have recently started a fitness challenge at my local gym and we all have to fill in goal sheets stating what we want to change and because it's a gym everyone is getting very body / looks focused. We all want to look better, healthier, more attractive. We all know that fitness will also help our mental health too but lets face it, we all tend to think about how we look.
What I realised was that most of us want to look better but we are all being very disparaging of the very bodies which are going to be doing the hard work to get us our results. I know I wrote in my goal section, that I wanted to look in the mirror and see someone attractive again.
I want to LOOK better so that i'd FEEL better.
This is the wrong way round!
We need to FEEL better so we are able do the work to LOOK better.
My own fitness journey started a year ago and the statement above was what I wrote down then. Since then I realised that by telling myself I looked fat or tired or unattractive when I looked in the mirror was having a negative effect on my motivation.
Self talk is probably the number one thing that causes so many of our problems.
I tend to preach the message "Would you say the kind of things you say to yourself to someone you love?"
When we look in the mirror for the first time each day it is our first opportunity to self talk.
What do you really want to say to yourself?
How do you think the negative thoughts you may be having are affecting your day. How does it affect your Decisions? How does it affect your motivation levels?
I have talked about trying on thoughts in a previous blog post but here are some different thoughts to try out next time you look in the mirror.
Today I am going to make great choices for my health and well-being.
I can do this.
I am capable of more than I think.
I am enough, just as I am.
Trust me, if you start to be kind to yourself you will reap the rewards because you will find it easier to find the motivation to do anything.
If you feel like you might want to work more on your self talk strategy get in touch via my coaching page on this website or by email to arrange a FREE INTRODUCTORY COACHING SESSION
WOULD YOU SAY THESE THINGS TO SOMEONE YOU LOVE OR CARE FOR
You aren’t good enough!
You are a failure!
You don’t deserve to have what you want!
You will never be able to achieve that goal!
You can’t lose the weight!
So STOP saying it to YOURSELF!
It is not acceptable to treat yourself in that way!
Why? Because you deserve compassion and patience and understanding and YOU need it from yourself first and foremost!
Next time you catch yourself thinking in this way, think first... would this be an acceptable thing to say to someone I love? If the answer is no, then re think your thought.
You are deserving!
You are worthy!
You can achieve what you work towards!
You are your only obstacle! If you struggle with this, why not arrange a FREE COACHING SESSION - There is a link in my biog and in the comments below. #meology #lifecoaching #meologylife #compassion #selfcare #personaldevelopment #personalgrowth #fitnessjourney
Most of us FAIL to get what we want because we don't want to FAIL!
Do you know why most of us fail to get the things we want?
It's because we are unwilling to fail.
That does not make any sense at all does it.
We don't want to fail so we don't try... which does what? Ensures we fail!
When did you last hold back from starting something because you didn't want to find out that you couldn't do it?
We all need to become friends with failure. It's not as frightening as we make it in our imaginations.
Failure should be seen as a potential for growth, or as a learning tool.
'Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars.'
What are you most afraid to do because of the fear you might fail?
THAT OLD JACKET ISN’T GOING TO GET YOU THROUGH THE WINTER SO GO TRY ON A NEW ONE! ... hell why not try on a few before you decide which to go for.
It’s easy right!?!
Well wouldn’t it be amazing if we could try on a new THOUGHT when our old ones aren’t getting us to where we want to be!
Do you have some thoughts that are not serving you? They may have served you in the past to get you here but they are actually now stopping you from going forward...
When we are children we might be told that the world can be a dangerous place and we need to stay close to home and to family.
That is a good thing to tell children but what if you take that thought with you in to adulthood and now you limit yourself to the places you know and never venture far.
That thought is no longer serving you! The world is a beautiful and exciting place (yes it can be dangerous but your a big girl/boy now!).
Now how about trying on a different thought.
Let’s not go crazy straight away and say to hell with it let’s go back packing to deepest darkest Peru. Let’s think a bit more tame. How about thinking about taking a trip out of town, or out of the county or even across the border to another country.
That thought is only a step away from our original thought but the result would be quite a change for the person thinking it. Hell, they’ve just booked a week in Scotland for the first time.
Try on the new thought and see if it gets you a better result. If not... try a different thought. You have endless thought possibilities and all have different results!
Can you identify any old threadbare thoughts you have somehow carried with you that are limiting you?
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If you would like to do some work on anything covered here give me a shout. I would love to help you find the thoughts that will work for you!
I offer a Free 1 Hour Introductory Coaching Session to anyone interested in finding out more!
#lifecoaching #lifecoach #motivation #personaldevelopment #mentalhealth